Category: Humor

Head Case

Where has this show been hiding? Oh yeah, on STARZ.  Headcase was recently released to Netflix and I cannot get enough of it.  The show includes psychology, celebrities and sarcastic humor all in one. What’s not to love?

Elizabeth Goode, or Dr. Goode, is a psychotherapist with celebrity clients living in the Beverly Hills Hotel.  On a daily basis, Dr. Goode will turn her patients on the complete opposite path of self-help.  She is a loon herself and will more often than not ask her clients questions based on her own personal benefit.  Such as, “On a scale of 1-10, what would you say I am?”

In this scene, she tells her patient he needs to take a break from his fiance.  Hilarious.

And now Dr. Goode gets what she wants.

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First Interviews

Going on interviews is extremely nerve-racking. The intention is for the interviewer to put you on the hot seat, ask you multiple difficult questions and see how you react. In most cases, people are well prepared, know what they are walking into and have a clear idea of how they intend to answer each question. Not the case in my first interview.

I was 20 years old walking around the job fair at college when I landed myself a decent interview with a well-known meat distributing company in the midwest. I did a great job at the campus interview and they invited me to fly to Kansas for a 2nd round interview. Now, I had never flown by myself before so I was extremely excited even though I was going to Topeka, Kansas.

The first night consisted of a dinner and reception.  Since most of the other students there were interviewing for agricultural jobs and talking with a brick wall would have been more entertaining, I went to bed early to get a good night’s sleep.  The next day they transported us to a large office building where 3 separate interviews were to take place.  First, they led us into a large conference room to watch a short video.  The video started off showing happy workers, packaged meat in the isles of grocery stores and then a slaughter-house.  Yes, a slaughter-house.  This is where the human resources internship job was to take place? They expected me to wear a hard hat, boots and a poncho to work everyday to monitor the butchering of cows! How did I get myself into this mess? When the video was over, I looked around the room for everyone in their right minds to get up and leave.  No one moved.

She is clueless about her future. She probably thinks those tags on her ears are fashion accessories.

I spent the rest of the day wistfully moving through my interviews and answering every question with complete and utter honesty.  “Could you watch a cow die,” asked one of the interviewers.  “NO,” I easily answered.  I also proclaimed my childhood dream to become an actress in NYC to one of the interviewers.  She thought I was nuts.  It was time for me to go back home and look for an internship more………civilized.

Chic Words

In my opinion, these word/phrases sound chic but are not.

1. “Fab!”

Why not just say fabulous? Fabulous is not an annoying word and it means many things.  Parties are fabulous, food is fabulous and clothing is fabulous.  Fab is the cheap version of fabulous.

2. “Gorg”

Same explanation goes for this one.  Gorgeous is a wonderful word.  Please do not destroy it by trying to make it “hip”.  Plus, Gorg sounds like you are gorging out on pizza.

3. “Toodles”

I can only picture Reese Witherspoon from Legally Blond using this word.  I would rather hear “Adios”.  At least it’s a real word.  Or why not say “See you later”, or a good old-fashioned “Bye”.

4. “Tooooooootally”

I could go on and on about this one.  Just agree by saying, “I agree”.  Simple as that.

5. “I know, right?”

I am the biggest user of this one. I think it’s the most ridiculous saying. You are agreeing with someone and then asking for them to agree with you again; about the same darn thing.

Loonies

SpongeBob does not have anything on Looney Tunes. I grew up watching the “Loonies” and I wish they were still on late at night. My favorite characters are in order below.

1. Tweety Bird

Tweety is such a little brat you have to love him. Who can forget when Tweety drinks the potion and becomes tweety monster?

2. Foghorn Leghorn

He is so arrogant but he usually ends up being right. Too smart for his own good.

3. Elmer Fund

Poor Mr. Elmer Fund. He tries so hard to catch Bugs. I would like to know where he gets the endless supply of carrots?

Stuff, stuff and more stuff….

People get bogged down (including myself) with stuff.

“OHHHH that is so nice, I must buy it now.” Really? Do you need a state of the art blender, I ask myself, or a 200 dollar pair of stilettos (well, if it’s my birthday, of course I do).

I get this cloud nine feeling when I buy a new outfit, jewelry or anything shiny, sparkly or sexy. I know this feeling will only last a few hours so why do I insist on buying things I do not need? We all do it. We live in a society that spends and spends.  I can find something to buy in any store.  I start sweating once I enter Target, H&M, and Forever 21 because I want to buy everything.  Like a kid in a candy store. “Well, yes I need new shoes to go with this and that, oh and I really need that necklace, but I have to get the earrings too.”  I have tiny conversations with myself, mostly convincing my better half why I need to buy things I do not need.

This is a good representation of my closet and I somehow never have anything to wear.

I do not see a recession hitting the city I live in (Houston,TX ) any time soon. People line up at the spiffy new Whole foods, better known as, “Whole paycheck.”  The Galleria swarms with people already out Christmas shopping. If we all bought just the essentials there would be no reason for new inventions. I would rather spend a couple extra dollars to have a  unique dress no one else will own.  Now, do I need 5 of them? No.  I can use a new trench coat for the 10 days it gets chilly here but I really do not need one.

When it comes down to it, we do not need a lot of Stuff, it is just stuff at the end of the day.  That is what I try to convince myself anyways…

Bittersweet

Why is it that if you laugh so hard, you cry? It is bittersweet. I can also be so happy, I start crying. I find it to be the darnest thing.

I saw Jerry Seinfeld live a few years ago and my face was sore for hours. I could not stop laughing and then I started crying. My favorite bit was the “Bed” part. When you call someone to go out and they are in bed, people are like, “Oh, no he’s not coming out, he’s in B-E-D.” As if it is the most sacred place in the world. “Oh my, why did he even answer the phone?” There is no way in heck he is getting out of bed to come join us for a drink!

When Oprah was still on local TV, I couldn’t watch the show without crying. She would bring on some miracle hero that survived 2 plane crashes and a freak snake bite accident, and I would just lose it. Oprah really knows how to hit the nerve of, “I am so happy for this person, I am going to start balling.”

This is probably some miracle mind reading dog.

Forever Lazy

A friend of mine informed me I should blog about this commercial .  Please check out the ridiculous commercial below and let me know your thoughts.

1. It looks like something you would wear to go skydiving, working in a chemical plant or being harassed as an inmate.

2.Now, who in their right minds would decide to throw on a “Forever Lazy” and attend a tailgate?  Darn right you will be the talk of the tailgate because you will be that guy wearing a fleece get-up.  Isn’t that sending the wrong message for the name of the outfit?  “Lazy” does not consist of tailgating.

3.  “Duty calls”.  That is forever and ever lazy.  You cannot even take all your clothes off to use the restroom.  And the gentlemen in the commercial was at the airport.  I hope to God an airline would not let someone wearing this fleece jumpsuit on a plane.  Who knows what they could be hiding in there!

4. Do not forget your fleece footies!